Best joke in Britain.

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain.


A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Tricky Card Magic

This is just a Trick.

Please let the pics to open. Do not scroll down to see the result before choosing card, this will decrease the thrill.

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Women Explained Scientifically

The New Seat Belt - Funny

The National Highway

Safety Council has done

extensive testing on a newly

designed seat belt. Results

show that accidents can be

reduced by as much as 45%

when the belt is properly

installed. Correct installation




is illustrated below..

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Poor Bill Gates In The Hell

Bill's company made software to run a car. Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side. Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"

Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door. He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams. Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, "An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed." Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell."

Satan at the door of hell greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.

Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.

"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

Stupid Questions and Smart Answers - Very Funny!

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of CO-INCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day
and at the same time."

Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

World's Most Intelligent Fish

Introducing the world's most intelligent fish - he can play football, basketball and even limbo dance under a bar.

Comet the goldfish has been trained by his owner to perform the astonishing range of aquatic activities on demand.

And that's not all - watery genius can also play fetch with a hoop, slalom around a series of poles and push a rugby ball over a set of posts.

Catch of the day: Comet's owner used a training technique called positive reinforcement to teach the fish tricks
Nice try: Comet has been trained to push a miniature rugby ball over a set of posts
Swam dunk: Comet prepares to shoot a hoop
Gold ring: Comet's owner adapted training methods previously used on dolphins
Pipe dream: Dr Pomerleau has teamed up with pet product firm R2 to design a special kit to help people train their fish