Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Friday, April 09, 2010
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Virginity Test
A young man was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.
The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel..'
The man was astonished and asked, 'So what do I do with these?'
The doctor replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw', you hit her head with the shovel.'.... .
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Bastard - Joke
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
A Krazy Love Letter and a Beautiful Reply!
Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options (a)10 marks,
(b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.
1. Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn
(b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.
1. Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:
(a) of love
(b) you couldn
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Love dress 18+
A mother stopped by un-announced at her son's house. She knocked on the door, then immediately walked in.
She was shocked to see her daughter-in- law lying on the couch.....totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work,' the daughter-in- law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in- law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Mike loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, and dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said. 'What's for dinner?
She was shocked to see her daughter-in- law lying on the couch.....totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for Mike to come home from work,' the daughter-in- law answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in- law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!'
'Mike loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me.'
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, and dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing,' he said. 'What's for dinner?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Friendship!
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we'?
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Can we have some water please'? the man asked.
'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'.
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too'? the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book....
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind..
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we'?
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Can we have some water please'? the man asked.
'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up'.
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too'? the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book....
'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind..
Am I A Fireman Yet?... Must Read!
In Calgary, Alberta a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.
Although her heart was filled with sadness,she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..
the leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dream to come true.
She took her son' s hand and asked,
'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?'
Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.'
Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can make your wish come true.'
Later that day she went to her local fire
Department in Calgary , where she met
Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Alberta
She explained her son's final wish and
Asked if it might be possible
to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.
Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do
better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day.
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!
And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy - one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'
'They're all manufactured right here in Calgary ,so we can get them fast.'
Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.
Billy got to sit on the back of the truck
and help steer it back to the fire station.
He was in heaven.
There were three fire calls in Calgary that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.
He rode in the different fire engines,
the Paramedic's' van, and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news program.
Having his dream come true,
with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.
One night all of his vital signs began to
drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.
The chief replied, 'We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes.. Will you please do me a favor?
When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?'
'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?'
About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window--------
16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room
With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.
With His dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,
'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'
'Billy, you are, and The Head Chief,
Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said
With those words, Billy smiled and said,
'I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and The angels have been
Singing..'
He closed his eyes one last time.
Although her heart was filled with sadness,she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no longer possible..
the leukemia would see to that. But she still wanted her son's dream to come true.
She took her son' s hand and asked,
'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?'
Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.'
Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can make your wish come true.'
Later that day she went to her local fire
Department in Calgary , where she met
Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Alberta
She explained her son's final wish and
Asked if it might be possible
to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.
Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do
better than that. If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day.
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!
And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy - one-with the emblem of the Calgary Fire Department on it, and a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'
'They're all manufactured right here in Calgary ,so we can get them fast.'
Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.
Billy got to sit on the back of the truck
and help steer it back to the fire station.
He was in heaven.
There were three fire calls in Calgary that day and Billy got to go out on all three calls.
He rode in the different fire engines,
the Paramedic's' van, and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news program.
Having his dream come true,
with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.
One night all of his vital signs began to
drop dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.
The chief replied, 'We can do better than that. We'll be there in five minutes.. Will you please do me a favor?
When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?'
'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?'
About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window--------
16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room
With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.
With His dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,
'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'
'Billy, you are, and The Head Chief,
Jesus, is holding your hand,' the chief said
With those words, Billy smiled and said,
'I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and The angels have been
Singing..'
He closed his eyes one last time.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Love Meter in Illusion
Are you loved? I hope so. But you better try this test to find out. Just stare at the "You're cool" in the middle for about a minute, and see if the hearts start to disappear. Perfect for Valentines day. Send this on to your honey, but only if you're truly in love. Remember to stare for awhile, because the pink hearts won't disappear if you don't stare for awhile. Show your commitment and prove you're in love! Take the love quiz!
Well, are you truly loved? This love test is the only way to find out! Now get out there and ask that girl or guy to be your valentine! Sure there are other love testers out there, but this one is certainly the best love test, isn't it? It's easy, and anyone can do it! Now go buy some flowers and be romantic
before your love disappears!
Well, are you truly loved? This love test is the only way to find out! Now get out there and ask that girl or guy to be your valentine! Sure there are other love testers out there, but this one is certainly the best love test, isn't it? It's easy, and anyone can do it! Now go buy some flowers and be romantic
before your love disappears!
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