A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft, fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue. I think you're a lawyer!"
Monday, December 01, 2008
BLIND JOKES
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"
The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Saturday, November 29, 2008
some gr8 health tips....fun reading as well as informative!
Good effort, at least you're started, try and make it to the end!
If you get tired reading this, go back to bed, as on average we need to have 8.1 hours of sleep to re-charge our bodies.
People who have less than 6 hours sleep a night have a 70 % higher mortality rate, according to Californian studies. I'm currently studying spending 18 hours in bed, so will hopefully live to a 130.
When sleeping in your own, or someone else's bed, make sure the mattress is firm enough to support your body weight. With sufficient material, within the mattress that will act as a cushion to allow for the contours of the body to be supported.
Have a glass of water by your bed, and attempt to drink eight 8 oz glasses of water a day.
At breakfast mix fruit juices with 50% water, to aid absorption, prevent rapid sugar levels in the blood, and to save money.
Make sure you don't skip breakfast, unless you get out of bed after 12 o'clock, then go straight for lunch.
Spend time at breakfast to plan out your day, take each day one day at a time, but make the most of them, planning is the key to success.
Smile, laugh be happy, don't take everything in life to serious, remember its alright to fart, apparently we all do it on average 13 times a day, and that includes ladies.
If you're going to fart, and you're in public, cough at the same time to cover up the noise. This is also a good stomach exercise.
Take a good quality multi-vitamin / mineral supplement each morning. A recent survey by the American National Food Council revealed that not one person from 21,500 consumed their optimum RDA of vitamins.
If you feel tired just after eating lunch, (the 2 o'clock slump), you are probably eating too much refined/processed carbohydrates, and your body has become carbohydrate sensitive. Try and eat more complex carbs, and add more protein and fibre to your meals. Oh yeah, don't forget to drink that water.
Remember every gram of alcohol has 7 calories, so if your aim is to have a flat stomach or lose weight, practice acting drunk or simply cut back on your alcohol intake.
Alcohol is a depressant, if feeling depressed don't take a drink, try and make yourself laugh, invite your friends round, and watch them get drunk, and fall all over the place.
When managing your weight avoid anything that is not in a measurable quantities.
Remember low fat foods, are often laced with sugar, which also has calories, just look at a low fat yogurt.
By switching hands whilst eating, you are less coordinated, resulting in calories stuck on your face and clothes.
Line your stomach before you go out on a large drink binge. A cocktail of a pint of milk, and soft fruit, normally works well.
If exercise were a drug, we would all have a bottle in the kitchen cupboard.
Eat a balanced diet, lower in fat, lower in sugar salt and processed foods, eat more fibre and whole food products.
Diets don't work. Long term health and weight management should include healthy life style changes such as exercise and healthier whole foods.
Throw away your scales. Work on how you look and feel, not what you weigh, aim to lose weight in the form of unhealthy body fat.
When trying to lose fat, aim for a maximum of 1 1/2 pounds a week.
If spot reducing worked, all typists would have skinny fingers.
Crash dieting, over exercising and fasting will slow down your metabolism.
It's easy to lose weight. Keeping it off, is the hard part, exercise works.
Use common sense and pace yourself so you can talk occasionally when you exercise.
When you exercise, remind yourself, "I'm building a better body to live in
If you get tired reading this, go back to bed, as on average we need to have 8.1 hours of sleep to re-charge our bodies.
People who have less than 6 hours sleep a night have a 70 % higher mortality rate, according to Californian studies. I'm currently studying spending 18 hours in bed, so will hopefully live to a 130.
When sleeping in your own, or someone else's bed, make sure the mattress is firm enough to support your body weight. With sufficient material, within the mattress that will act as a cushion to allow for the contours of the body to be supported.
Have a glass of water by your bed, and attempt to drink eight 8 oz glasses of water a day.
At breakfast mix fruit juices with 50% water, to aid absorption, prevent rapid sugar levels in the blood, and to save money.
Make sure you don't skip breakfast, unless you get out of bed after 12 o'clock, then go straight for lunch.
Spend time at breakfast to plan out your day, take each day one day at a time, but make the most of them, planning is the key to success.
Smile, laugh be happy, don't take everything in life to serious, remember its alright to fart, apparently we all do it on average 13 times a day, and that includes ladies.
If you're going to fart, and you're in public, cough at the same time to cover up the noise. This is also a good stomach exercise.
Take a good quality multi-vitamin / mineral supplement each morning. A recent survey by the American National Food Council revealed that not one person from 21,500 consumed their optimum RDA of vitamins.
If you feel tired just after eating lunch, (the 2 o'clock slump), you are probably eating too much refined/processed carbohydrates, and your body has become carbohydrate sensitive. Try and eat more complex carbs, and add more protein and fibre to your meals. Oh yeah, don't forget to drink that water.
Remember every gram of alcohol has 7 calories, so if your aim is to have a flat stomach or lose weight, practice acting drunk or simply cut back on your alcohol intake.
Alcohol is a depressant, if feeling depressed don't take a drink, try and make yourself laugh, invite your friends round, and watch them get drunk, and fall all over the place.
When managing your weight avoid anything that is not in a measurable quantities.
Remember low fat foods, are often laced with sugar, which also has calories, just look at a low fat yogurt.
By switching hands whilst eating, you are less coordinated, resulting in calories stuck on your face and clothes.
Line your stomach before you go out on a large drink binge. A cocktail of a pint of milk, and soft fruit, normally works well.
If exercise were a drug, we would all have a bottle in the kitchen cupboard.
Eat a balanced diet, lower in fat, lower in sugar salt and processed foods, eat more fibre and whole food products.
Diets don't work. Long term health and weight management should include healthy life style changes such as exercise and healthier whole foods.
Throw away your scales. Work on how you look and feel, not what you weigh, aim to lose weight in the form of unhealthy body fat.
When trying to lose fat, aim for a maximum of 1 1/2 pounds a week.
If spot reducing worked, all typists would have skinny fingers.
Crash dieting, over exercising and fasting will slow down your metabolism.
It's easy to lose weight. Keeping it off, is the hard part, exercise works.
Use common sense and pace yourself so you can talk occasionally when you exercise.
When you exercise, remind yourself, "I'm building a better body to live in
Interview with a ghost
I knew I had been running for almost an hour through the dense overgrown forest. I couldn't tell if the moon was out for the thick tree branches and the huge canopy of leaves shielded the forest grounds from light. Gasping, I stopped as I felt my knees go weak and slowly, I looked over my shoulder. Just as I had thought, the ghost was not too far behind
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Engineers are cooking
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston
Laboratory
Question:
Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which
class it belongs to?
Answer:
If it
Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which
class it belongs to?
Answer:
If it
Great experiment
Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light, to the 3rd floor of a building and recognizes that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his book:
Psychology class
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked,
New dean
Listening to the commencement address by the new dean, Professor Papp turned to a woman sitting beside him.
University
A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line,
Monday, November 03, 2008
6 Truths of Life
- You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.
- All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.
- And discover that the first truth is a lie.
- You're smiling now because you're an idiot.
- You soon will forward this to another idiot.
- There's still a stupid smile on your face.
I apologize about this.... I'm an idiot and I needed company.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
Men will try everything
A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. 'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00'. 'Why not?' thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit..... which now had a button sewn neatly on the end!
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. 'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'
Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00'. 'Why not?' thought the salesman.
He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit..... which now had a button sewn neatly on the end!
Why the US is in crisis?
An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.'
A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.'
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
School Bus in India
Here Comes the Best Schooooool Bus of India
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The Best business in India is selling education... ..
Monday, October 06, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Nothing Is Funnier Then Dis!!
wat a place of fishing...
i knw its one way
its too small to have a goal
even cycle wants shoes
ya ya i knw u r not gay
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Fairy Tale Jokes!!!!
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost? I'm trying to take a dump!"
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Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table & asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy,
"but why have you only ordered water all evening?"
The third piggy says,
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
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when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,"
says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again;
this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost? I'm trying to take a dump!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three Little Pigs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.
The waiter comes and takes their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggy.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter
approached the table & asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggy.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter! to the third little piggy,
"but why have you only ordered water all evening?"
The third piggy says,
"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
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Monday, September 08, 2008
Lingerie Boutique : lifestyle experience
Choosing the right Lingerie has become easier now, if you know what to buy and where to buy it from. Just always remember buy something that makes you feel comfortable and make you feel great about yourself. So, what are you waiting for?
I think that most women would agree that it boost our sexiness and confidence in wearing one right? it gives an extra plus point if you are comfortable about what you wear underneath your clothes. have you seen women wearing tight fitted shirts and noticed that some thing's wrong with their bra's underneath their shirt.
Freya is a company that makes Fayreform. Freya Lingerie to larger cup women who have been craving for colorful, fashionable designer lingerie. Fayreform Lingerie designs are chic, romantic, and are exclusively for D-cups and above. Fayreform lingerie is now one of Boudiche's best selling larger cup size brands in the boutique.
Designer Lingerie brands now available from the US and internationally, in the UK (Kiki De Montparnasse from NYC, Undrest from LA), both available at Boudiche.Growth in the plus cup size market and emergence of new brands in the D+ cup sizes.UK brands now offering more D+ cup sizes, i.e. Fleur T stocked at Boudiche, to a GG cup size.Demand for cup sized swimwear, and readily available online at Boudiche.
I think that most women would agree that it boost our sexiness and confidence in wearing one right? it gives an extra plus point if you are comfortable about what you wear underneath your clothes. have you seen women wearing tight fitted shirts and noticed that some thing's wrong with their bra's underneath their shirt.
Freya is a company that makes Fayreform. Freya Lingerie to larger cup women who have been craving for colorful, fashionable designer lingerie. Fayreform Lingerie designs are chic, romantic, and are exclusively for D-cups and above. Fayreform lingerie is now one of Boudiche's best selling larger cup size brands in the boutique.
Designer Lingerie brands now available from the US and internationally, in the UK (Kiki De Montparnasse from NYC, Undrest from LA), both available at Boudiche.Growth in the plus cup size market and emergence of new brands in the D+ cup sizes.UK brands now offering more D+ cup sizes, i.e. Fleur T stocked at Boudiche, to a GG cup size.Demand for cup sized swimwear, and readily available online at Boudiche.
Paging women out there! What are you waiting for? Let go of our feelings. Find that inner beauty by feeling and wearing beautiful all the time! Whether you are thin, fat, small, big, single or pregnant, there will always be a great lingerie for you!
This online boutique also caters for those who demand for cup sized swimwear. Now who says that being sexy entails you only by wearing those extravagant or voluptuous sexy dresses? I think these designer lingerie's are enough to give you the confidence underneath those clothes on. So check out Boudiche. com now and see for yourself. ;)
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Funny and Crazy Pictures
watch it....!!!
what a building
watch out for the leg
see the bike
don't swim here..
prepare an omlettee on his head....
wat an awesome shoes...??
what a curve???
Thursday, September 04, 2008
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