The Laws!

1. The Law of Common Sense - Never accept a drink from a urologist.
2. The Law of Reality - Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
3. The Law of Self Sacrifice - When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
4. The Law of Volunteering - If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell - When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
6. The Law of Motivation - Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
7. Boob's Law - You always find something in the last place you look.
8. Wailer's Law - Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
9. Law of Probable Dispersal - Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
10. Law of Volunteer Labor - People are always available for work in the past tense.
11. Conway's Law - In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
12. Iron Law of Distribution - Them that has, gets.
13. Law of Cybernetic Entomology - There is always one more bug.
14. Law of Drunkenness - You can't fall off the floor.
15. Heeler's Law - The first myth of management is that it exists.
16. Osborne's Law - Variables won't; constants aren't.
17. Main's Law - For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
18. Weinberg's Second Law - If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

Some Questions and Answers You Better Know

Q: What's the difference between cricketers and condoms?
A: Cricketers drop the catches and condoms catches the drops.

Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman?
A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass.

Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at night.

Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.

Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go backward... forward... backward... forward... backward.... forward... stop and eject.

Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn't come means you are in big trouble

Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.

21 Interesting Facts

1. A zebra is white with black stripes.
2. All the planets in our solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
3. Hummingbirds are the only animal that can also fly backwards.
4. Insects do not make noises with their voices. The noise of bees, mosquitoes and other buzzing insects is caused by rapidly moving their wings.
5. The cockroach is the fastest animal on 6 legs covering a meter a second.
6. The word "listen" contains the same letters as the word "silent".
7. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
8. A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
9. 'Europe' is the only continent that starts with an E, rest all start with an A.
10. India invented the Number System. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
11. The whip makes a cracking sound because its tip moves faster than the speed of sound.
12. A hippopotamus can run faster than a man.
13. India never invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.
14. 'Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia' is the fear of long words.
15. Didaskaleinophobia is the fear of going to school.
16. A snail can sleep for 3 years.
17. The names of the continents all end with the same letter with which they start.
18. In 1883 the explosion of the volcano Krakatau put so much dust into the earth's atmosphere that sunsets appeared green and the moon appeared blue around the world for almost two years.
19. "Almost" is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.
20. Twenty-Four-Karat Gold is not pure gold since there is a small amount of copper in it. Absolutely pure gold is so soft that it can be moulded with the hands.
21. Electricity doesn't move through a wire but through a field around the wire.

Difference Between Google.com and Google.co.in

Difference from Google.com and Google.co.in explain.

Scroll down for answer :)

Google.com Result

Google.co.in Result

ITS TRUE! Check out the result yourself by typing "removing" keyword in both Google.com and Google.co.in pages.

Golden Words are not Repeated

Love your job but don't love your Company,
Because you may not know when your company stops loving you.
Dr. ABDUL KALAM


What is the Secret of SUCCESS? "RIGHT DECISIONS"
How do you make Right Decisions? "EXPERIENCE"
How do you get Experience? "WRONG DECISIONS!"
Dr. ABDUL KALAM


Without your involvement you can't succeed.
With your involvement you can't fail.
Dr. ABDUL KALAM


You are not responsible for what people think about you.
But you are responsible for what you give them to think about you.
STANLEY FERRARD


A man is lucky if he is the first love of a Woman.
A woman is lucky if she is the last love of a man.
CHARLES DICKENS


Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.
GEORGE BERNARD SHAW


Behind every successful man, there is an untold pain in his heart.
BILL JACOBS


It's better to lose your Ego to the one you Love,
Than to lose the one you LOVE because of EGO!
JOHN KEATS


Don't make promise when you are in JOY. Don't reply when you are SAD.
Don't take decisions when you are ANGRY……. Think twice, Act wise.

Why Are Americans Jobless?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 a.m.
While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES ) . He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN VIETNAM). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ), he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia ) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA ), John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA .

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA ).

Result of Love Marriage!

It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!! His Name is Zonkey!!!!!!!

How $315 Billion Look Like?

We all want to be rich, we all want to have a lot of money. If you had $315 billion can you imagine how they would look like? Here are some pictures to show you how $315 billion look like. The pile is made up of one dollar bills.

How to Impress?

How To Impress.. A Woman?

• Compliment her


• Cuddle her


• Kiss her


• Caress her


• Love her


• Stroke her


• Tease her


• Comfort her


• Protect her


• Hug her


• Hold her


• Spend money on her


• Wine & dine her


• Buy things for her


• Dance with her


• Listen to her


• Care for her


• Stand by her


• Support her


• Go to the ends of the earth for her

How To Impress.. A Man?

• Just give a sweet smile smile.

ha ha ha ha ha ha

Am I wrong????

Men have/are better Friends!

Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her friend's apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best friends and none of them confirm that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!

Conclusion: Men have/are better friends

11 Inspiring One Liners

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!


2. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. Think about it.


3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!


4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world! That's called Attitude! Keep on rocking!


5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!


6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim. They said, he who never lived, cannot die!


7. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we choose Marriage, slow sure!


8. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rests have girlfriends!


9. All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!


10. Drinking is our biggest enemy- Jawaharlal Nehru. We should learn to love our enemies- Mahatma Gandhi. Now, whom to follow and which one to choose?


11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which means - it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!!

Need Good Points then take care of your WIFE

How to take care of your wife:

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

• You make the bed (+1)


• You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)


• You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)


• You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)


• In the rain (+8)


• But return with Beer (-5)


• You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)


• You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)


• You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)


• You pummel it with iron rod (+10)


• It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

• You stay by her side the entire party (0)


• You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy (-2)


• Named Tina (-4)


• Tina is a dancer (-10)

HER BIRTHDAY

• You take her out to dinner (0)


• You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)


• Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)


• And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)


• It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

• You take her to a movie (+2)


• You take her to a movie she likes (+4)


• You take her to a movie you hate (+6)


• You take her to a movie you like (-2)


• It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)


• You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

• You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)


• You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)


• You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)


• You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION

• She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]


• You hesitate in responding (-10)


• You reply, "Where?" (-35)


• Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

• When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)


• You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)


• You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)


• She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Days of our life.